My wife and I had returned for our annual autumn visit to Cumberland Falls State Park for a long weekend. I awoke very early our first morning there and just laid in bed thinking. The room temperature outside the bed covers was a little chilly, but under the soft white down comforter, and lying next to her, it was warm and just right. I listened to her deep breathing as she slept, and thought how much I loved her and glad we had come there together again. In the morning I’m an early-riser, her not so much. Eight o’clock is her usual wake-up time. I’m more active and alert when I wake up, she doesn’t usually have a voice till around ten. We’ve gotten used to it after so many decades of doing life. And it is our respectful accepted routine. One of the many comfortable treasures in our life together.

The early morning is when I spend my time with Jesus reading God’s Word and praying. This morning though, regardless of how nice, warm and comfortable I was, I decided to take a walk. I got up, dressed, put on my jacket, wrote my wife a note and quietly closed the door behind me. It had rained during the night, so when I stepped outside there was that familiar, slightly sweet aroma of wet earth and rainwater. It was no longer raining as I stood there listening, but I could hear the drops of water softly hitting the carpet of leaves under the trees. The sun had not yet come up to burn away the fog, so there was this heavy mist of gray light easing into the empty spaces on the forest floor.

Meditating on God and Truth

I aimlessly sauntered along the paths enjoying the overall quiet and the soft sounds of nature. Slowly, my thoughts began to form and flow in a meditative way. I meditated on the goodness of God and the past areas of my life where he had changed me. And on my future, knowing there were many more such areas to address and in time, will come. The strange thing was that I was filled with peace. There was much I didn’t understand. So many uncertainties. But somehow, there wasn’t fear or anxiety.

I truly did not know who I really was. Who was this person that God created? Do I even know this person? Do, or will, I like this person? One thing I finally knew for sure: God does not make mistakes. That took a long time coming, but come, it did. That was a huge hurdle for me to overcome, but when I did, the emotional-spiritual-self-discovery broke free and a whole new and different world opened to me. A world where there was hope to heal from brokenness.

In an earlier post (#2305003 “Oh, the Toxic Lies We Accept as Truth”) I touched on false messages we hear growing up and, unfortunately, believe are true. How we build life systems around these false messages that form our lives in so many harmful ways. I believe the Holy Spirit of God must first “unlearn” us of these toxic messages, before he can teach and form us into the men and women of truth, power, love, mercy and grace. In other words, conform us to the image of Jesus. While the Bible does not specifically mention the “unlearning,” it does emphasize the importance of humility, openness, and a willingness to change in order to receive and understand God’s truth.

Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. (Matthew 18:4 MSG)

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2 NLT)

There’s line in William Shakespeare’s play “The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark”:

“This above all: To thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

(Act 1 Scene III)

But how can one be true to one’s self, when the true self is unknown? When the true self is all intertwined with masks?

Emotional Masking

Emotional masking is a way that many, many people use to please others and gain their approval or acceptance. They can put on a persona or suppress their true emotions, thoughts, or desires in order to meet the expectations or demands of others. They may go to great lengths to avoid conflict, prioritize others’ needs over their own, and seek constant approval from those around them. This can involve masking their true feelings, preferences, or boundaries in order to maintain harmony and avoid upsetting others. For example, an emotional masker may agree to take on tasks or responsibilities even when they are overwhelmed because they fear saying no and disappointing others. They may also downplay their achievements or desires, fearing that expressing them openly might lead to judgment or rejection. This can become a pattern of behavior that compromises their own well-being and authenticity. It can lead to feelings of resentment, low self-esteem, and a loss of personal identity as they prioritize others’ needs and expectations above their own. I was a huge emotional masker.

My masks started developing when I was a child and they were primarily: I can handle anything, do anything, accomplish anything. I will achieve anything I set out to do. I will do it quietly and not raise a fuss. I took great pride in that. Achievement became my idol! Trust no one. The people who should have protected and helped me let me down. I do not need anyone’s help. And I projected all of this onto God! He did not care about me. He left me alone to make my own way through life. I did not know the real Jesus! Oh, I was saved alright. I was going to heaven when I died. I was a good person. But I had to live hell on earth and try to earn God’s love, which I could never attain. I was not loved.

And Then There Was Jesus!

So, as I walked through the quiet, beautiful forest I thought of my past of which the Holy Spirit of God, in his merciful patience and grace, broke through and “unlearned” me of my false perceptions and beliefs, and began revealing and re-building me in truth. I thought of my present, my sweet God-given wife, my beautiful God-given son, the relationships that I had developed with others who demonstrated their love and cared for me, and the real Jesus who showed me what love was all about. I thought of my future, the adventures the Holy Spirit would take me on, and not all pleasant. The growth that would come. The changes eminent in me. And ultimately eternity where I would live with God. But until that Day comes I would use all of my past and future experiences to show grace, love and mercy to others.

I sat down on a large rock and prayed. And then I looked up. The sun was now in the sky. The mist had cleared. And this is what I saw:

God’s stamp of hope and approval.



                  My Jesus

Are you past the point of weary?

Is your burden weighin’ heavy?

Is it all too much to carry?

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

Do you feel that empty feelin'?

‘Cause shame’s done all its stealin’.

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

He makes a way where there ain’t no way.

Rises up from an empty grave.

Ain’t no sinner that He can’t save.

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

His love is strong and His grace is free.

And the good news is I know that He

Can do for you what He’s done for me.

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

And let my Jesus change your life.

Who can wipe away the tears

From broken dreams and wasted years

And tell the past to disappear? Oh,

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

And all the wrong turns that you would

Go and undo if you could.

Who can work it all for your good?

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

Who would take my cross to Calvary?

Pay the price for all my guilty?

Who would care that much about me?

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.                                           

He makes a way where there ain’t no way.

Rises up from an empty grave.

Ain’t no sinner that He can’t save.

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

His love is strong and His grace is free.

And the good news is I know that He

Can do for you what He’s done for me.

Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.

And let my Jesus change your life.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Amen, Amen.

              (Song and lyrics by Anne Wilson)